…a cold front will move in later, leading to scattered showers in the west. BBC Radio News, the time is now 3 minutes past 4, and now we rejoin Jonathan Agnew and the team back at The Oval.
JA: Welcome back to the final session of this very special Science Spring Showdown one day international: we’ve just reached the end of the tea break, and the Particle batsmen are just making their way to the crease; the F=ma team are already in position in the field, poised, eager almost.
For those of you just joining us, it looks like we could be in for a grandstand finish, a situation which did not look likely earlier in the day. F=ma won the toss and elected to bat, proceeding to post a hefty 347-3 in their 50 overs. The backbone of the innings was an unbeaten 186 from team captain Isaac Newton. Christopher Martin-Jenkins – Newton was certainly in magisterial form today.
CMJ: Afternoon Johnners, indeed he was. But then he has always led from the front: some might say that he built the Second Law team from the ground up. In past matches with General Relativity – who the winner of today’s game may very well meet in the final of the Orbit bracket – he’s proven a bit vulnerable to the very fastest bowlers, but today the Particles just didn’t have the pace to trouble him.
JA: Very true. Nonetheless, the Particles did well to contain the Second Law to less than 350, thanks mainly to some sterling spin bowling from Wolfgang Pauli. But it was a rather thankless morning in the field for them, and then they got off to the worst possible start with the bat when they quickly lost their opening pair, and were then restricted to 95-4 after 20 overs by some very tight F=ma fielding. No matter what shot was played, there always seemed to be a fielder perfectly placed to deal with it.
CMJ: Well, it’s often been said that all particles must obey the Second Law…
JA: Quite so – but just when it seemed that F=ma would run away with this match, Avogadro and Boyle put on a quite splendid fifth-wicket partnership of 150. Lots of kinetic energy, unpredictable shot-making, and some extremely quick running between the wickets, just as you’d expect from these masters of the gaseous realm.
CMJ: Yes, Newton and his team seemed powerless to cope with the apparent randomness of their play, until the wily Boltzmann finally worked out some sort of underlying statistical pattern and managed to trap both of them leg before just before tea, leaving Particles on 256-6 with ten overs left to play.
JA: So that’s the current situation, and I see that the players are ready to start, so without further ado, it’s over to Henry Blofeld and Geoff Boycott in the commentary box.
HB: Thank you Johnners. This match is indeed finely poised, with Particles requiring a further 92 runs from the next 60 balls. A lot rests on the young shoulders of the last recognised batsman in the Particles order, Werner Heisenberg, who is actually making his debut here today. Right now he’s facing Boltzmann, who is continuing from the Pavilion end. Boltzmann runs in with his characteristic loping gait – a fairly flat delivery, which Heisenberg blocks right back to him. Do you think he can handle the pressure at this critical point, Geoff?
GB: I’ve seen him play. Good technique. Capable of putting a lot of welly on the ball, when he gets his eye in. As for whether he has the temperament for the big occasion – I think we’ll be finding out this evening, won’t we?
HB: Indeed, we will, Geoff. Boltzmann runs in again, a bit more bounce on this one, and oh – Heisenburg took a swing at that alright, and drives it through the covers for four! A fabulous shot, but its passage was greatly aided by the fact that the fielder out there – Lagrange, I think – dived in completely the wrong direction.
GB: He completely lost sight of the ball. Boltzmann is giving him a good glare, as well he should. Very poor fielding, that.
[…some minutes of commentary, mainly of clouds and birds and the sun setting behind the Pavilion End, but also involving some cricket, later…]
HB: … and a quick thank you to Mrs Turner, from Tunbridge Wells, for the lovely fruit cake we are currently enjoying. You ladies really do spoil us. So there we are, at the end of the 56th over, and Particles have moved to 318-6 courtesy of some brutal batting from Heisenburg, who has hit a number of spectacular boundaries.
GB That may be, but he’s been helped by the fact that the F=ma fielding has completely gone to pieces. They just can’t seem to get their hands on the ball in the outfield.
HB: I’m hearing that the chaps back in the studio might be able to cast some light on that. Johnners?
JA: Indeed Henry, we’ve been watching the replays and it seems that Heisenberg is utilising his Uncertainty Principle to great effect, particularly when playing his cover drive. The fielders are trying to pin down the ball’s momentum so they can time their stops, but this means that they can only vaguely guess at its actual position. And most of the time, they’re guessing wrongly. Smart play from Heisenburg.
HB: I don’t know, it all seems a bit… ungentlemanly, to me.
GB: Rubbish! We’ve all had a nice gentlemanly chinwag over tea. Now it’s about winning a cricket match. I’ve was watching Newton in the last over, and he’s completely stumped. He just can’t handle non-classical physics.
HB: Well, it’s certainly true that F=ma have always lacked a decent quantum physicist… could the Particles, so long themselves a classical concept and so long in the shadow of the Second Law, have finally found a way to break its iron grip? They still need 40 more runs from the last 24 balls, but you sense that the momentum of the game is with them.
GB: Well the chips are down, and Newton is stepping up to bowl from the Vauxhall End.
HB:Heisenberg didn’t manage to rotate the strike at the end of the last over, so Newton will be bowling to de Broglie. He’s not really in the team for his batting so he’ll probably be looking for a quick single to bring Heisenburg back in. Newton steams in, and fires a vicious bouncer straight into the body!
GB: That had to hurt.
HB: Newton is clearly trying to target the weaker batsman here. And it looks like he exchanged some words with de Broglie at the end of his run up
GB: He’s never been afraid to engage in a bit of banter, has Newton. But sometimes he goes a bit too far when he’s feeling under pressure – he and Leibniz almost came to blows in the final match of the Calculus series back in the 1700s.
HB: Well, hopefully he can keep a lid on his famous temper here. He runs in again, and – my goodness! de Broglie stepped way out of the crease for that one, swept his bat through an almighty arc, and I’ve completely lost sight of the ball!
GB: So has everyone. The fielders are just standing there, scratching their heads. But the crowd behind long-off are going wild! Was that a six?
HB: But look – so are the crowd behind deep square leg. And deep point. All around the ground, the spectators seem to be signalling that the ball came their way. The umpires have got together and they’re sending it to the third official to see where exactly it ended up. Does the replay show anything, Johhners?
JA: Well, you’re not going to believe this – I scarcely believe it myself – but it looks like de Broglie exploited wave particle duality to set up an interference pattern for the cricket ball between the F=ma fielders. And there’s a number – five, six, no, seven places where the ball was equally likely to have crossed the boundary rope. It looks like de Broglie is going to score multiple sixes from this single delivery.
HB: My word. I’ve never seen anything like that in all my years of commentating.
GB: Not seen, you mean.
HB: Exactly. The umpire is now signalling those seven sixes, with the crowd cheering to the rafters every time he lifts his arms. de Broglie scores 42 runs from that single ball, which means that Particles have reached their target score with three and a half overs to spare. This is all to the great consternation of the F=ma side, unsurprisingly.
GB: Newton is really laying into the umpires down there. He’s claiming that non-decoherence of macroscopic objects has yet to be ratified by the ICB. But they seem unmoved.
HB: Or rather, they’re moving to remove the bails to signal the end of this extraordinary match. Heisenburg and de Broglie are punching the air and raising their bats to the crowd, who are on their feet. Particles win by 4 wickets! Back to the studio.
JA: Well, what can we say? An unexpected win for Particles in highly controversial circumstances – given Newton’s reaction I would not be at all surprised if some sort of official complaint is in the offing. We will, or course, cover any such development in that direction, but until then, its goodbye from everyone here at the Oval.
This is BBC Radio 4 LW. We now rejoin our FM listeners for The Archers.
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